The bitch is back ! Sorry been out for like . . God knows how long . My sincere apologies .

How am i ? Well if you know me well , then you dont really need me to answer that question (:

The holidays . Took my time out to do absolutely nothing and absolutely everything all at the same time , meeting new people , perving on friends *coughkaancough* joking around and making the best friends i shall i have .  Even got to go to hospital holding the massive stash of food ever - which i must say was the most beautiful place ever (:

I promised my musketeer that i would give a rave about the best holidays ever  but honestly hun , I think you know that already . All i have singing in my head right now is our awesome choir of

and basically that sums up everything

brightening up the storm clouds with warm cuddles and gorgeous evenings lying under the tree at the part (:

beaching . pool . sunburn . pigging out . gym . trolling . bowling . shopping . posing . d&ming . . the list just keeps going on and on . man , i did everything these holidays (:

hooking up my friend with my rating skills . (: cassandra and kann forever

AND i even tried to cinema skipping with my baulko guise (: sherlock holmes in V-max was ENTIRELY worth the trouble ! the security guy must have pee-ed his pants seeing the 15 of us stealing and taking up cinema seats (:  . and talking to jason and garland. aish . the joys (:

  holidays after hsc . CLUBBING WE SHALL GO ! then off to shoot some cans at trav's farm (:

And i forgot all the recipes and new foods that i cooked in the holidays !! (: i shall upload all the photos later . and of course all the research that i've been doing in the holidays and mmm what is the better word? informing myself of . (:

So anyway that was the holidays in the tiniest little nutshell possible (:

I promised myself : New Year . New Start . New outlook on life . New look . (:

There's two years left of high school and i can't wait for everything that's lined up afterwards and all the massive plans with melva (:

I know that 2012 has started off with a rather rocky beginning and in some ways I need to build up a stronger mental wall and learn to think about the biggesr picture

and just as a say that . thunder erupts and states my point (y)

My head is out of everything this year . All that drama . Blame can be placed on me for everything . yeah i'm that little bitch who does everything wrong and screws everything up . I don't care anymore . I refuse to . I isolated myself from basically most of the social interactions for reason . Rather just sat in the background and have everyone leave me alone . But then again its a brand new year (: It's time to open up and be ME . I know you guise wont like it but after high school you'll never even have to see or talk to me again . just cope with it (: LET ME BE ME . 

I shall NOT tolerate bullying and belittling anymore . I'm stronger than that . I know  I am . Do not ever tell me otherwise . I'm not here just for your entertainment . I have emotions too .

And talking about new starts and gorgeous things that have happened this year already , i must not forget my MJ and how scary yes wonderful it is that we have basically exactly the same history and the lovely long moments of chit chat every week (: gotta love how things come into place so spectacularly (: finally meeting leanne after talking to her online for ever so long . not to mention my group of Talented people 

how i love how absolutely fun we are about everything : ellen , aishah , ashley , shann , ollie *kaan lookalike (;*, vadoura , jai , amar , alex . . . wow . and not to forget the guy with the fat ass long name (: trolling the old guy , mucking around and subway runs .

and of course cell group and our 3 hour d&m . i thought i was the only one out there who held just defiant ideas and perceptions , not to mention stubbornness.  I never realised how many people out there care there to support (: Sometimes i love fate and change !

i just had a MASSIVE epiphany (:

You've just got to hear it for everything to make sense (: delaney inspiration

I've had a really awesome weekend off from everything and time to start afresh in my mind . I hope i can really start to keep this optimism up and just to let this , whatever it is , keep on flowing .

and for each and everyone who reads this , i just wanted to say i love you and thank you for all that you've done for me and i'm sorry for everything and anything that i've done all through the times i have known you . I'm sorry for being an annoying bitch everyday and starting from today i shall try to change that . Thank you for being here through thick or thin .

I'm so excited for thursday . I'm even going to dress up for it (: can't WAAIT !!

Can't believe time has flown by so fast ! Seems like it was just yesterday !

SIGH . new starts . new plans . new life .

thank you for listening to everything that i said . and understand everything i go through and trying to help me . but i need no help , i can work with what i have right this moment , even if its not for very long . i can endure on for a while longer before you get me the help i need . i'm sorry for assuming sometimes i know , my motto , making an ass out of u and me , but honestly i never realised how much you would figure out on your own . i did it for your own good . to protect you . so you dont get even more stressed out . whatever i do , i've always had you at the back of my mind . everytime you're late home i get sick worrying about what has happened to you , why you haven't called me , why i haven't heard anything . i know i dont tell you everything but after yesterday , i realised how selfish i can be . for you to finally let me go last year and let me make my own decisions and not pressure me whatsoever has just made me want to work so much harder for you . i know things are rocky at home and theres nothing we can do about it . we're just going to try to keep optimistic and try to work things out while he does his usual junk . he's shown me everything i never want to be and the reason i can never trust anyone . but we've got each other now , after our long chat - we've both got our problems and that's just what makes us so much stronger . we're strong just for you . i know i never really appreciated how much you've done and the impact you've had on me . i just want to say thank you  .



i love you mummy .

<3