i wonder how you are these days . i haven't spoken to you properly in ages . talked like we used to .
laugh like we used to .
at the small little things at the station . portugasm .

maybe you were right about everything you said to me and called me that day .



i'm sorry
for everything i did . and put you through
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i guess i never knew you well . but yours were the first funeral i'd ever been to

i wonder how you are .
i miss that smile of yours that never ceased to make my day . even through the pain you were going through .
i hope you're up there . caring for him . and looking after him .


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 hey .

i wonder how've you been . i hope you're doing just fine . i haven't talked to you properly in nearly a month . well they one i'm talking to - i haven't talked to in nearly that long . the present me wonders if you know how so much has changed between us . but i'm all cool with it . i won't let it get me down anymore . i wonder if you'll remember what tomorrow is . and what a milestone it is . was . maybe . i don't even know anymore . i guess we never figured that part out .

i miss that look on your face the first time . that cheeky smile and that cocky attitude .
i wonder how you are now . whereever you disappeared off to . and i hope you're having a good time .
i just wished you'd just come pop up and say hi or somthing .



for the present -
 iono what's wrong with me today
iono why i did it . honestly . it wasn't me doing it . it was like someone was controlling me .
but the look on your face hit me back to reality . and i realised what had happened .
it's like a was asleep and just woke up

it was a mistake


i'm sorry





i'm scared of myself . and everything i seem to do without meaning to .
i think that's the only thing i'm scared of anymore

i don't want to reply . i'm so scared of what you'll say . .




i wonder what you told her when she wrote it down and asked today on paper .
i wanted to know too . but i guess i don't really want to know the truth or the way you see it anyway .



maybe one day i'll see you again . and i can just talk to you again like that night .

i'll always treasure that





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i never realised how much i missed you .
honeslty . i never really like d you and you scared the hell out of me .
i guess now you're gone . i miss you .

you were the only one who made me feel special .
i'll never forget the time you sat down next to me in NZ and offered to play chefs while i poured you out a cup of tea . . which was actually bits of paper .
and that happy look on your face as if nothing wasd weird about it .

and your hugs . i miss those .
and your lectures .

i guess if you never loved us that much then we wouldn't be in the mess we are in now .
if you say the way we were now . you would be disappointed .



i'm sorry for letting you down



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<3

I'm one in a million
Just so have it you know
I'm one in a million
Couldn't pack just to go
I'm one in a million
Not the average Joe
I'm one in a million