because we never talk . like the way we used to .

you thought that each time it happened i never realised . you thought i was oblivious to it all . but HEY . i just know how to act rather well . especially on feelings . pretty sad talent . so i've been told many times .

i grew up not believing in all that bogus disney stuff . that was the way i was brought up . with my parents yelling at each other and blaming me . i was the little one in the corner with her heads under her pillow crying herself to sleep . who needs a prince in shining armour when you have yourself being independent adn shit . so YES . i know how to act . like i'm heartless . that i'm tough . that i'm strong . that i'm on top of the world and nothing can bring me down . even when everything inside is just crashing down like a stack of dominos and all i want to do is die . i don't want your pity . i don't want a perfect story and what not . i want to live life on the edge . and teh fullest . because i have a friend . who's my inspiration . and his faith gives me hope . even through the long periods in hospital . when eveyone pities him . he laughs it off .even when he's so dangerously ill everyone's scared . he still manages to smile and bring light and joy to those around him .

i want to be like that .
hope .


so feelings . screw them . i'm sorry for hurting you . i really am . i just wish i could go back through time and take everything away . so i don't hurt you . and will never hurt you the way i did . i'm sorry . i know you can't control your feelings . no one can . i will seriously pay the first person who can a million bucks . but besides the point . but it won't work . you know what i mean . and if i just go and keep it on for ages . it'll just hurt even more .

so they can kill me for my decision . for saying no . and i'm sorry . but if i said yes . it wouldn't be right . it doesn't feel right
if it's meant to be . it's meant to be .
maybe i'll never tell you the rest of my story . maybe we'll never be as tight as we used to be . but i'd like to be close friends . like before . but it hurts too much and you can't . then i'll have to live with it .

maybe the people from the sidelines should just stop . stop judging . and stop putting their own judgements . but i know they're trying to be helpful . they love you and they're trying to help you . so listen to them .
you never really know a person until you've stepped into their shoes

i don't care what people think of me anymore . yeah yeah . i'm a slut . i'm easy .whatever . who exactly are you to judge ? you've never been through everything i've been through . made the decisions i've had to make . been judged so much in your life . sometimes you've just got to get a thicker skin adn ignore everything that everyone says . as long as YOU know who YOU are . that's all that matters .

and all these .
are just small , minute details . compared to what he has to face .
if someone can be at the brink of death and terribly sick . yet still smile .
i think i can live life . just not caring about the negative things out there . and focusing on the positive .








when it happened i didn't know what to do . i'm new to everything . and at the end . wasn't it you who told me that you wish i'd never told you about it all ?


______________________________________________________________________________________

- Skyscraper . Demi Lovato




to lighten the mood -

 SAM WIGGINS ! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR >.> I SAW THAT THING YOU WROTE AHEMHEMHEM !







<3

maybe one day . you'll understand it all