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Wednesday, 6 April 2011 || 23:24 i wish you were still here . i wish you would hold me tight and tell me everything’s going to be okay . everything is crashing around me and all I want is you to wipe it away . i wish you would make everything disappear . i wish you were still be here when I can’t sleep . i wish you were still here to make me laugh everytime i cry . they’re yelling at me again . all of them . I don’t know what I ever did wrong . I never got to choose whether I wanted to be born first. I know they’re stressed out . but I am too . I just don’t want to talk about it . I’m so tired . so very tired . but they don’t see it . they just keep pressuring me to be more . be perfect , get As , you’re never good enough . . I don’t care when I don’t get any of their attention anymore . they don’t listen when I talk . they just talk over me . more background noise. they don’t care when I get good marks . they don’t know how hard I work and how much I sacrifice to please them . its never good enough . now that someone else before me has gone through year 10 , its meant to be “easy” . I can’t help struggling with work load . I’m sorry but I’m me . I can’t be anyone else . academics are everything . it doesn’t matter what I like . my head is meant to be in my textbook . I go running – I get screamed at for an hour . they never realise I fake everything . when I smile at them after brushing my tears away . makeup won’t even hide the puffy eyes anymore . I’ve come so far from what I used to be . they don’t see it . they just keep pulling me down . I’m stupid . I’m don’t care about anything . I’m annoying . I’m lazy . . I don’t care what they say . I don’t want to be in the middle of all the arguments . if they hate each other , they should tell each other not BS about it to me . I have a headache . I don’t care . I want them to leave me alone . I don’t care if they never talk to me . that would be better than this . I want to get out of this hole . I miss you so much . I need you here with me now . even if it’s just for five minutes . I can’t take it any longer . . i just want to stop crying .  Anorah . Our special place . just for you . I’ll take a better pic later . |
